Lauren Snyder contacted me after she read about Jess Clark’s Tiny Histories podcast episode in the Santa Fe Reporter. Lauren, as it turns out, had her own Tiny History to tell. I asked her to write it down for the Newsletter, and I’m grateful that she did. Lauren’s openness and zest for life are infectious (as you’ll read), and I hope you find her story as fascinating as I did. By the way, Lauren shared some photos with me for this piece, and referred to them as “then and now” photos of Steven and Lauren, so that’s how I’ve captioned the images. Some transgender people prefer to approach pre-transition images and names differently, so I thought that bore mentioning. Now, take it away, Lauren!
Sometimes, I’m struck by the irony of my name and where my story began. It started in 1949 in Cheyenne, Wyoming, where my dad owned a clothing store. He named it after me: Steven’s Store for Men. I have to hand it to him for getting part of it right—I mean, fashion is a major part of my story…
The first time I remember clothing having a major effect on me, it was an outfit I saw on someone else. In 7th grade one day, I looked over at a girl and wished that I could be dressed like her. I assumed that something was wrong with me and never shared that thought with anyone. My dad had died when I was 7, and I assumed that since I did not have a father like the other boys, that was why I felt different from them, and why they laughed at my lack of skills at sports, saying I threw the ball "like a girl." Not wanting to encourage any more taunting, I buried my fashion envy deep and went on with my life.
In the late 1960s I became a hippie and grew my hair long. Sometimes, I’d look in the mirror to see if I looked pretty and female with my long hair. In college, I was technically an art major, but I took so many psych courses in an attempt to understand what was wrong with me that I ended up also having a major in psychology. Did I ever cross dress in private? Of course. And if I ever had a chance to go to a costume party in drag, I took advantage of the occasion. But I kept my thoughts to myself.
Fast forward to April 2015. I was 66 years old when Bruce Jenner came out as Caitlyn on the cover of Vanity Fair. The story lit up a bulb in my brain. My whole life I’d secretly known that I wanted to be female, but I’d never conceived of it as an actual possibility. Caitlyn showed me what my life could look like. So, I started talking to old friends about my desire to live as a female. I bought makeup and started experimenting with it. I hadn’t talked to my wife though, and one day she saw me with makeup on. She was totally taken aback and said, “I don’t know where you are going with this.” I replied, truthfully, “I don’t either.”
And so it was then, in November of that year, right after our 30 year wedding anniversary, that my wife suggested I go to our second home in Santa Fe to spend a month figuring out where I was headed. I agreed with her, so I threw some things in the car and drove from our home in Denver to Santa Fe. The moment I hit town, I knew that I was never going back to Denver or to my marriage.
My first week in Santa Fe I met a female artist who was looking for a place to live, and I invited her to move into my home as a housemate. She is a brilliant and accomplished artist and has a unique sense of fashion style. She lived with me for 2 years, mentoring me as an artist and female. I began to develop my own fashion style based on hers.
I had started painting in 2006 and, a decade later, in June of 2016, some of my own artwork was chosen for a transgender art show in Miami called TransART Miami. A female friend loaned me several tops to wear on the trip. At this point, I was still only wearing men's clothing. When I got back from that trip, the realization that I needed to transition to women's clothing hit me. I began to build a whole new wardrobe, mostly shopping at thrift stores. I discovered that I love, love, love women's fashion! But I still refrained from buying skirts or dresses, not knowing how I could ever go out in public in a skirt or dress.
That September, while shopping at a consignment store for women's clothes, a sales woman called me over and said, "I thought you might want to try on this dress." I told her that I didn’t wear dresses and she said, "Well I don't know what you wear, but would you like to try it on?" So I tried it on. Though the dress was too small, I did buy a camo skirt with a giant dragon tapestry on the front that day. I still didn’t know if I'd ever wear it. That night though, I decided to buy some skirts to wear at home and that I’d never wear pants at home again.
By October, I was ready: I decided to go out to a popular bar to hear some music wearing a skirt. A female friend helped me put together my debut outfit. I got to the bar and all my friends told me I looked great. That night, I ran into a filmmaker and photographer that I knew. He asked me to do a fashion photoshoot wearing that outfit in downtown Santa Fe for a local magazine. Not bad for my first time out!
In early 2017, I’d made a lot of friends in Santa Fe, so I started an all-female Facebook group for us all that I called "The Real Housewives of Santa Fe." My biggest realization about the feminine world has been about seeing, feeling and understanding that women have a special bond with each other. That is so different from my experience in the male world. The sisterhood that I have experienced here in Santa Fe is mind-blowing. These women have adopted me and continue to nurture me. In fact, I host a cocktail party for the Real Housewives of Santa Fe at my home and everybody loves the gathering so much that we started having regular parties every other month or so. Today the group has 540 members.
By 2018, I decided that I would no longer wear pants, and instead would wear skirts everyday. It’s something I had secretly wanted to do since I was 13 years old. When I go out in public, I do not feel self-conscious at all. I know people are looking at me because of my male body and voice, but I want them to see a person that has a great fashion sense and style. This mindset has allowed me to be comfortable in public dressed as a woman. In the six years since moving to Santa Fe and beginning my new life as a woman, I have never had a single negative experience out in public. Unfortunately, it's doubtful that many, if any, other trans people could make that claim.
I met a friend in 2019 who, after knowing me for several months, told me how confused she was when she met me because of my name. She didn’t know if I was trans or a guy in drag. I'd never changed my name because I thought that the name change process was a very difficult, time-consuming process. But in early 2020, I used the name Lauren at a Housewives party. The women loved it so much that I started going by that name locally.
Later that year, stuck at home because of the pandemic, I decided to begin the process to legally change my name and gender. On December 11, 2020, I legally became Lauren Snyder, female. Within a month, it was official on all of the important documents. It was so simple! I should have done it sooner, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. It certainly was for me in 2020! The legal name and gender change completed my transition, and my love of fashion has turned my gender dysphoria into gender euphoria. Who knows, maybe my next fashion shoot will be for Vogue.
Thanks again to Lauren for sharing her story. If you’d like to share a story in the Tiny Newsletter or on the Tiny Histories podcast, you can either submit at this link (just scroll on down for the form), or leave a message in our Speakpipe voice mail.